Unwritten rules of blogging

1) Blog regularly

2) Bring content or they won’t come back

3) Keep it short

Vacation As It Affects Unwritten rules

Vacation is a time when we change how we act and how we interact with others. Often we go from high structure to low structure in activity and time management. We actually break the “normal” rules that govern how we live.  We change our schedule. We look at life and say that we can live it in a different way.  We break those unwritten rules that we live by.  Sometimes this is good!  No longer am I a slave to the alarm clock.  My need to be on time and “early” can be abandoned.  We give ourselves permission to change because, after all, “it’s only during vacation”.  There are other parts of our routine, however, that we give up that might not be as good to forget.  Prayer decreases; worship gets forgotten.  Our “healthy” eating and exercise patterns change.  After all, it is vacation!  Why then during vacation are we willing to change, willing to break the rules that order our lives?  The habits that have taken so long to ingrain in our routine are, for the vacation at least, easily set aside. Maybe if we understand how we so easily break the rules during vacation, we can gain a clue on how to rewrite the rules in our everyday lives.

3 factors come to mind that can help us to break the unwritten rules that are holding us back:

1. We recognize that vacation is only for a short time. As we see the opportunity and need to change as only temporary, it becomes less of an  imposing task.  To see the need to “change forever” is much more daunting than  just changing for a week.  Because we are thinking in smaller segments of time, we find it easier to change and even entertain the possibility of breaking the rules.

2. Because it is “vacation” not “work” the changes are couched as rewards not burdens.  “I’ve worked hard for this, so I’m going do this!”  This is not to say that all change is perceived as bad, but rather to say that in order to break those unwritten rules, we must fight the social momentum of doing it the way we’ve always done it.  This takes effort and forces us into a cost benefit matrix.  If discomfort (cost) is greater the than the benefit, then our tendency is to stay doing what we’ve been doing.  On vacation the benefits of the short term tend to allow for us to have an easier time breaking the rules.  After all it is vacation!

3. Finally, on vacation often we have physically changed our environment and therefore feel that because structure has changed, activity is allowed to change. Our environment affects how we act. When we are in a different place, with different people, it becomes easier to change who we are and how we act.

So if you are going to change how you act and interact in any given situation, if you are going to break the unwritten rules that are holding you back, here are 3 ideas:

1. Manage your environment- change where you are and who you associate with.

2. Understand the value of chunking your time. Go for short-term results that, when added up over time, result in long-term change.

3. Recognize and apply a healthy cost benefit matrix.  Don’t just think “now”.  Think of the future benefits as well as the short term pleasure.

What are Unwritten Rules?

Unwritten rules of learning

Here is a great article that really shows some of the unwritten rules that companies and meeting planners have about how they need to run conferences. I really enjoyed it.

http://jeffhurtblog.com/2011/11/03/education-myths-that-shape-conferences/

 

 

Breaking the Unwritten Rules of Mediocrity

Have you ever started the year with high hopes and big dreams, only to experience the reality of unfulfilled potential 12 months later?  What happened?  Where did you go wrong and how can you prevent “Disappointment – The Sequel”?  Have you fallen for an unwritten rule and not even recognized it?

Get together with your friends on a Saturday night and listen to the conversation.  Have you ever heard this?

“So what do you guys want to do tonight?”

(And, of course, we all remember the response)    “I don’t know…what do you want to do?”

Have you ever done this for hours at a time and in the end, you simply do what you’ve always done?  It’s not that you did anything bad … and you were with your friends …  but…. could it have been more?   Could you have accomplished something significant?  Maybe even extraordinary?

Most of us are creatures of habit.  We think in patterns and then act in patterns. We take the same route to work because it’s comfortable. We plan the same activities because we “like them”, because they “work”, because. . “that’s the way we’ve always done it”.  In other words, we’ve chosen to follow the unwritten rule of the mediocrity and as a result we get a mediocre year.

So what’s the solution?  If you want to have great day, a great year, a great life, you have to plan!  It won’t happen by accident. Here are 6 steps that will help you break the unwritten rules of mediocrity.

1) Define purpose:

Every organization, every event, every action has purpose.  Lives today are busy and as a result, clarification of purpose helps us to not just do things right, but to make sure that we are doing the right things.  It doesn’t have to be deep and meaningful. Your purpose might be just to have an enjoyable time. But, it could be something big. The point is that whenever times get tough or obstacles get in the way of a plan, it’s the purpose that provides the fuel to work through it and see it through to fruition. Without a strong purpose, you just say “Whatever!” and give up.  Do you know what your purpose is?

Action step: Write a one-sentence purpose statement for what you have planned for today. If you can’t write it in one sentence, it probably isn’t clear enough in your mind.

2) Imagine Reality

Ask yourself “If we could do anything that fulfills our purpose, and we knew we couldn’t fail, what would  we try?”  This is the process of brainstorming and it is often neglected because it is hard work.  It takes imagination and most of the ideas that are produced end up in the dumpster. But it is through this important process that the truly extraordinary ideas are discovered.

Action step: Get a blank sheet of paper and spend 30 minutes dreaming of what success really looks like.

3) Build Focus

Now it’s time to start making choices.  Here you say “We could do anything, but we’ve chosen to do this.  Now, how shall we invest our resources – time ,money, energy, emotion, relationships?”

Action step: Choose one idea you’ve decided to plan. Write it down and write a one-sentence purpose statement for it..

4) Set Goals

Goals are nothing more than objectives in achieving a desirable end.  They must be SMART — Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and have a Time Table.

Action step: Write a SMART goal.  Remember that the goal and the time table will define your strategy.

5) Develop Strategy

This is where most of us start planning.  It is the process of defining the details and addressing the obstacles.  As you answer the who, what, where, and when of an activity, the likelihood of success increases.

Action step: Now do the hard work of figuring out the details. How will you make it happen?   If it seems too difficult, go back and revisit your purpose. If the purpose is strong enough, you will do the hard work.

6) Define/Assign Tasks

Having a strategy is great, but until you’ve defined tasks, nothing gets done. These are the action steps that lead to success.  A task includes a needed action with a deadline and a person responsible for making it happen.  Until you figure out the tasks, then most likely, the activity will never get done.

Action step: Set up a series of tasks and deadlines and delegate them to the person accountable for getting each one done.

7)  Take Action

Of course, the last step is to then go and do it!  What are you waiting for?!

Breaking the Unwritten Rules of College

Life is full of rules — written rules (you know, that school handbook) and unwritten rules (the ones w e “know to be  true”). The unwritten rules are the assumptions, beliefs and behaviors that everyone knows about, no one talks about, and yet they define how we act.

College freshmen come to school with a whole backpack of these rules. They’ve learned about them from their friends, TV programs and,  of course, what they “heard” college is “really like”.  Here is just a sample of what we’ve heard them say.

1. Social concerns are more important than academics
2. You have to drink to have fun
3. Sex & alcohol will be a part of everyone’s life
4. Smart kids never have fun
5. You have all the free time in the world at college
6. Only losers go to dinner alone
7. Everyone already knows each other
8. You can only socialize on your floor
9. You aren’t cool if you don’t party
10. You will gain weight your freshman year
11. Orientation events are lame
12. RAs are my enemies
13. Must spend $ to have fun
14. Professors don’t care
15. Have to be Greek to fit in
16. There is nothing to do on campus
17. Professors are not approachable
18. College courses are so hard that you will not have time to do anything else
19. All work & no play is necessary to be successful
20. My roommate’s going to be awful

The problem with unwritten rules is that they are powerful, if you let them be.  How freshmen view life at college will often define how they act and the choices they make. If you say “There is nothing to do on campus.”, then you will subconsciously find things that confirm that belief, even if it’s not true! If a student truly believes that “everyone” is doing it, then they will do it too, because, after all, they want to be part of “everyone”.

How then do we break the unwritten rules? How can we change the patterns of thought that lead to the choices and actions that produce the results that we don’t want?

Here are 3 big ideas:

1. Change the mental conversation. Encourage freshmen to focus on the opportunities and possibilities instead of the challenges and problems.   “What we think, we become.”  Buddha

2. Help freshman to build healthy connections. Design activities and events that result in positive memories.  As they do things together, they connect with others who have similar interests, experiences, and challenges (both students and faculty), avoid isolation and set the stage for collegiate success. “I think the world should be one community.” Neil Tennant

3. Come alongside them in activities.  Participate.  People like to do things with others. Make positive choices yourself and include them in the adventure.  “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” Aristotle

Some Unwritten Rules

Common Unwritten Rules

You do not sit next to strangers on buses/trains if it’s crowded.  You stand.

You don’t talk to people in an elevator.

You do not make eye contact with another driver as you pass them on the interstate.

You don’t stare at people in public.
You do not tell a girl she is fat, even if she is.
You never pass a cop, even if he is doing 10 MPH under the speed limit.
You do not swear in the presence of a lady.
You take your hat off during the national anthem.

 

Unwritten Rules in Sports                 

Baseball – You don’t steal a base when you are up by 7 runs.

Golf – You call your own fouls.  Never walk across a player’s putting line.

Don’t fraternize with players on the opposing team.

Don’t talk to a pitcher if he is in the middle of a no-hitter.

Never lay down a bunt to break up a no-hitter

Play the game the right way.

Always throw a fastball on a 3-0 count.

Don’t dunk — or attempt any shot — in the final seconds when the opposing team has conceded

defeat.

Don’t embarrass yourself, your teammates or your opponent.

Defense wins football games.

Don’t celebrate an empty-net goal.

Unwritten Rules in Relationships     

Who does the dishes, shopping, yard work etc.

Men pay the bill on a date.

In a restaurant, if you’re not paying,  you don’t get to see the bill…and don’t ask!

Don’t talk during a movie.

Friday night is always date night.

She/He is always late.

Being on time really means ½ hour later.

Personal Unwritten Rule      

That’s just who I am.

I can/can’t do that

I’m not allowed to fail.

I’m not allowed to try.

 

Unwritten Rules in Families

We always have turkey for Thanksgiving.

Lunch is on your own.

We have the same meal every Saturday night.

I  always sit in this chair (That’s my chair!!!)

We always spend this holiday with this person or at that house.

We have dinner at a certain time each day.

Saturday AM is for chores.

Children always take naps after lunch.

Mom always cooks

Mom does all the housework

Dad does all the yard work.

Organizational Unwritten Rules

Here’s the way we REALLY do it.

Don’t listen to him/her.  They don’t get it.

This is the definition of success and how to get it.

If it’s not labeled in the fridge, it’s fair game.

You don’t touch other peoples stuff in the Break Room fridge.

Always have to run it by “Herb”.

Who is the “real” boss

Never say “no” to the boss.

It’s his/her job to fix the copier.

That’s not my job (even if it really is).

Get “Joe” to do it.  He always succeeds!

If you want to move up in the organization, here is what you must do.

Don’t work so hard, you’ll make the rest of us look bad.

The unwritten rule of Blogging

It seems to be counter intuitive but here is the rule.  If you don’t write, they won’t come!

Here is a link to some great unwritten rules for blogging.

http://bloggingwithoutablog.com/blogging-etiquette-the-unwritten-rules/

Kudos to Barbara Swafford for writing down the unwritten rules.

Unwritten Rules of Life

The question I often ask when presented with new information is: So what? Or more precisely, what does this have to do with me? I like information as much as the next guy, but in today’s busy world, how you apply that information and it’s relevance to the direction you are headed is paramount. If it’s just another theory or another piece of data, and you can’t use it, then goodbye to that! In other words, “Whatever!”

So why then do I want to take a look at the patterns of how we live? Why is it significant to examine the unwritten rules that govern our lives? Ultimately, in order to live a purposeful life, one has to ask the question “Why?”. To examine motivation and purpose is to begin the process of being intentional in how we live. If we simply follow the unwritten rules then we run the risk of ending our life with classic eulogy “Whatever!”

What then are the unwritten rules that you follow?

Do you have to work Monday through Friday 9-5? Is it necessary to stay in the same job for your entire career? What about how you dine? Does it need to be 3 square meals, or would you be better off physically if you grazed throughout the day? Here’s a good one. Why are we still running our educational system on an agrarian designed calendar? Could you change your entire life style to fulfill a greater purpose? What if you could do anything and you knew you couldn’t fail; what would you try?

We are so managed by habits, patterns and the expectations of others, that before long we feel like there are no choices left. For what it’s worth, I believe this is one of the reasons we like stories about people have done extraordinary things. They have broken the rules that we are afraid to break. They have dared to question and we like to live vicariously through their stories.

I know I am not smart enough to have all the answers but I hope that as you read this, you will begin to ask the questions. That you will question the unwritten rules that might be holding you back, and then write a story that will inspire someone else to step out and break the unwritten rules.

Champion Rule Breaker

Occasionally life produces someone who looks at life totally differently, who sees the way things “have always been done” and decides it’s time to break that unwritten rule

Such a man was Clarence Saunders.

In the late 1800’s, Miss Kitty would stop in to the General Store in Dodge City and ask Wilbur Jonas for whatever she needed. It was the wild west of TV; the wild west of Gunsmoke. Back then we bought our supplies at the General Store. Wilbur would then search his shelves for the needed goods, bring them to the counter while Miss Kitty waited patiently as he filled her order. Nothing radical or wrong, but at that time the only people who had access to inventory were owners and their employees. It was the pattern of how business was done. The unwritten rule of commerce.

Enter Mr. Saunders.

In 1916 in Memphis Tennessee Clarence Saunders said “what if” and “ why not” and started the Super Market revolution with a simple idea. What if, instead of having the clerk get everything on the shopping list, we let the customers go get their own merchandise? In other words, “what if we had a self-service grocery store?” With this simple idea, the Piggly Wiggly Store was founded and all of our lives and how we “shopped for groceries” was changed forever. He also introduced shopping carts and self service brands and the concept of checkout counters at the front of the store.  We take all of these ideas for granted but in 1916 they were radical.

Transformation of a business or industry is not always accomplished by big, new, or incredible ideas. Sometimes change comes when we look at how we’ve “always done it” and ask the question of why. Does the unwritten rule make sense? Is there a better way? What if we simply said performance is more important than tradition. What if we looked at the rules that everybody knows about, nobody talks about, and yet the rules that define how we work and interact together? What if we were willing to break the unwritten rules?

Are there habits, patterns, traditions, unwritten rules holding you back?

Thank-you Mr. Saunders for showing us how a simple change can lead to a transformation of culture.